Successful Family Communication
Think about a family situation that stressed you out and you will most likely remember that you felt misunderstood. Families that cope well under stress tend to have successful family communication or "open" communication.
In families with "open" communication, talking about topics such as death, sex, violence, drugs, religion, politics or family differences is possible. The fear of walking on eggshells or getting into trouble isn't there when you want to discuss something of interest or concern.
Communication for Growth
Families that have "closed" communication view disagreement as a threat and/or loss, and definite discomfort. They believe the responsibility for their well-being is beyond their control: "If you made more money I would be happy" or "It's your fault that I got an F on my test." In such families, times of crisis or even change such as a move, someone leaving or joining the family, an accident, a death in the family, alcoholism, or job loss become critical for survival and often lead to divorce, separation, alienation, abandonment, or illness.
Families that openly discuss difficult topics in a personalized way tend to be healthier. An attitude and philosophy of being responsible for one's own well-being is expressed through acts of encouragement and sharing. Family members view differences and disagreements as valuable opportunities for growth. They see feedback as necessary for growth and view disagreement as an opportunity for learning.
The following principles should be involved in clear family communication:
1. Speak clearly. Quickly mumbling, "I love you" is hardly ever convincing or satisfying.
2. Say what you mean with clear messages to avoid ambiguity. Express your intention. For example, instead of saying, "I'll do it later." Instead say, "I'll do it after dinner."
3. Be specific with regard to time, place, context, and reference.
4. Make nonverbal aspects of your message match the verbal content of the message.
5. Listen carefully and actively without mind-reading, assumptions, or judgments.
6. Check out and clarify that what you understand corresponds with what was intended.
7. Complete transactions until both parties have the same understanding of a message.
8. Find ways and words to show support, respect, and appreciation for the other participant(s) in the conversation
9. If conflicts cannot end in a positive resolution, mutually agree to discuss it again, and create a specific date and time. Then keep it.
BE SURE TO AVOID ...
- Accusing comments, such as "You always...," or "You never ...."
- Shouting, if you want to be understood while creating a safe environment for real communication
- Humiliating and embarrassing words or acts
- "Hitting below the belt " with hurtful or unfair comments you'll regret
- "Making fun" of someone's comments or behaviors
- Showing disrespect (such as boredom or distraction) when someone is expressing their thoughts.
- Interrupting others when they are speaking
- Leaving before the conversation is agreed to be over
Remember, better family communication can lead to less stress, and can help provide family members with opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth, especially during times of change.